Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
