PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
