margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize