Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
