i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
