That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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