so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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