exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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