Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
