Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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