she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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