Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
as a side note pls kill me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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