your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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