Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
