Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
