FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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