I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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