So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
