when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize