I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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