Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
