Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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