My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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