That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
