you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
