I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
