I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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