hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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