Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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