Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
