why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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