a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
