Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Boobs are out for the taking
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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