Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
