I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize