I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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