If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
