i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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