I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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