DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
