You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
