Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
