too bad you live with your parents still
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
