I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
