Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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