I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
