the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
