so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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