I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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