I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
