im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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