to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
