A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize