do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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