I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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