Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
