is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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