a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
