I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
