five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
