I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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