Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
