Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
