Why are handjobs necessary in class?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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