i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
