HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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