Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
