Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
