I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
