you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
