it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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