Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How external is "for external use only"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
