i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
