he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
