i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize