When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
