if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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