Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
