From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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