We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
