Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
