help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize