you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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