Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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