it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
