You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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