remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry about my life...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
