It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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