yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
