This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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