Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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