Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
