Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
