In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
